Why didn’t I mention Anne Marie?

So for those of you that have read the skinny on me you will come to realize that in my family I never mentioned someone named Anne Marie. Well that was no mistake.. the sad news is that she passed away August 13th, 2009. Anne had survived Cancer for about 25 years. All of this happened before I began blogging.

We have just finished her memorial that we did at ST. Phillips Anglican Church. I will be posting the 3 Eulogies written for her so that you get the feeling of what Anne was about. In a nutshell… AMAZING, WONDERFUL, EXUDES STRENGTH, KIND AND CARING.

In this posting will be my brother’s and his alone. It deserves the whole posting by itself and it is really a tear jerker, even if you have never met Anne get a tissue.. you will need it. My next posting will be My Eulogy and that of her best friend Annette.

: Watching Tom Jones

Tony’s Eulogy for Anne: “A Husband’s Love”

Anne Marie was born in July 29^th, 1955 at St Michaels Hospital. Her father Cy was an engineer with Canadian Pacific Railroad. Her mother Shirley worked at the main central branch of the post office. Along with her 2 brothers Bruce and Al, she also lived with her Aunt Jean, Uncle Everett, Cousin Beverly and Grandmother Bailey. It was from this humble beginning that Anne grew her love for family and truly important matters. Anne had no use for material objects.

Anne’s family also included her maternal grandparents The Doucettes in Prince Edward Island. She would talk about the trips out there every summer with her mom on the train with such a big smile. Anne’s love for family grew further on these trips, as well as her love for lobster.

I recall meeting Anne on my first day in the insurance industry, right out of college. I was smitten right away. I couldn’t wait for the day to end so I could rush home and tell my friends about this very special lady at work that I just had to get to know. It was very difficult for me to approach her. I had heard about a group night out and hoped to get myself included. Then they put me with Anne for training for most of my second week of work. Wow, what a thrill. Who could pay attention to the training? I conjured up enough courage to ask Anne about the group night out. She said that one person was getting rid of their ticket to the show because of a potential TTC strike and they wouldn’t be able to get home so I quickly volunteered to take it. What a break for me, thank you God. The transit strike actually did occur and everyone decided not to attend the show but Anne and I decided we would go anyway. Another break! Now I would have the entire evening to spend with her. We shared a cab home and our relationship flourished from there.

Anne left that insurance job shortly after we started dating and went into the newspaper business. She spent nearly 30 years in newspapers. She worked for the Toronto Sun, Pasadena Star, Pasadena Weekly and the Sun Sentinel in Fort Lauderdale. At the Toronto Sun she worked her way up to being an Editor for the Special Sections and retired from this position when we returned to Pasadena in 2006.

In 1991 I was asked if I’d consider moving to Los Angeles. We wanted to move to the US but we weren’t quite thinking Los Angeles. I took Anne out that night and made sure she had a couple of drinks before I even started talking about it, but she was a trooper and ready to try this new life. I know how much it tore her up inside though, to think about moving far away from family and friends, but she was always up for an adventure.

Seven months after moving to Pasadena, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. The shock was very difficult for both of us. We were barely settled. After she and her doctor addressed her treatments, operations, chemo, medicine and radiation, she got to it. With most of you knowing Anne, comparing her to a middle linebacker is probably hard to understand but she just put her head down and plowed through everything she had to do. She didn’t ask why, she just did it. I’ve been asked many times how I dealt with this. I simply said that Anne pulled me through it. She threw me on her back like she did with everyone in this church and others and she simply pulled us all through it. She was amazing.

I never saw her feel sorry for herself, never asked why me and never, never gave up. This year was a particularly tough one for her but she did what she had to do. It wasn’t until her last week when she admitted to herself that there was no return and again threw me on her back and pulled me through it. She asked me how I was doing, are you ok, are you eating. I was trying to be strong throughout her last month but her being worried about me was too much for me to maintain control and continue being strong. She simply smiled and told me to let it out. Once again she was pulling me through the difficult times. She didn’t get caught up in self pity and didn’t let her illness slow her down or stop her from living her life. During her last month when she was quite ill, she would pretend she had a cold when her Aunt Jean called as she didn’t want to worry her. How special a human being must you be to know you are very ill but don’t want to worry others.

She saw both her parents pass away from the same horrible disease. My in laws were 2 of the greatest people I’ve ever known. I still miss them so much but now they have, as they would always say “their little girl”. I’m sure they are thrilled to be sharing times together again.

Her love was unconditional, her trust unwavering and her soul as pure as they come. I’m fortunate to have another beautiful soul in my life, my cousin. My cousin and Anne shared a very special relationship. My cousin is a wonderful person and a beautiful woman. She was stricken with MS at a young age. I recall visiting with her one day and asking her how she felt about being sick and if it caused her to question her faith in God. You see, family and her faith meant everything to her. She looked at me and said, no, quite the contrary, my belief and faith in God has grown. I asked her how could that be, if God had allowed her to get sick. Her response was “God chose me to take this journey; God knew I was strong enough to take on this sickness”. I didn’t know how to react but now I realize that Anne was also chosen. Even though in our eyes her time here ended far too soon, God needs her for a bigger mission. We simply couldn’t keep her any longer, and have to share her with whatever she encounters on her next journey. We can only hope we get the privilege of sharing her soul again in another world.

Anne was a very simple person, nothing complicated. To meet her was to love her. She just loved everyone and was always kind to all. She was very giving and not a taker. When we discussed moving back to Pasadena she kept telling me how she wanted to volunteer at Huntington Hospital to help people and give back to a hospital that had been so good to her. She loved Pasadena and wanted to give back to the community. Anne was so excited to be accepted as a member of the Tournament of Roses and work the Rose Parade. One of the nights I will treasure for many years to come was this past News Years Eve when we worked together on the Rose Parade. Our chairman was so kind to Anne knowing of her fight and teamed her up with another woman facing the same battle. Our chairman understood as he had a liver transplant 20 years earlier due to cancer. But mostly she loved the friends we had made and the friendships we were able to keep during the years we didn’t live in Los Angeles.

Anne was very proud to be the godmother of 2 wonderful people. She didn’t get to see Alexandera as much as she would have liked but she enjoyed every minute when she did and so happy to see her grow up into such a lovely person. She was extremely proud of Stephen and for being his godmother. Watching Stephen grow up into the fine upstanding gentleman that he is was one of her joys. So often she would tell me how she thought he was such a special person, so loving and so caring. He is always watching out for his beautiful sister Beverly, not because he has to but because he wants to. One of the closest people I have seen to have a soul as beautiful as Anne’s is Stephen. She also dearly loved her nieces and nephews. She treasured every minute should could spend with Danielle, Zach, Denis, McKenzie and Brittany.

We were married almost 30 years and she was sick for almost 20 of those. People have been so kind to me, saying how they thought my supporting Anne was admirable and courageous. It wasn’t. It was a privilege I will cherish forever and I wish I could have continued for another 30 years.

I remember a conversation I had once with someone who wasn’t the biggest advocate of marriage. This person couldn’t believe that Anne and I had never had an argument, never a raised voice or a cross word. She never gave me any reason to want to argue with her and the idea of saying or doing anything that would hurt her feelings was just devastating to me. I’m certain I gave her plenty to want to blast me though, but she never came close.

Since Anne’s passing, many of you have provided wonderful comforting words and you are right that I have many years of good memories to reflect on during tough times in the future and that we shared something so many people never have a chance to experience. As much as this is true, it so difficult to know how fabulous life together was and now it is gone. Earlier this year with all her challenges, Anne said to me one of the nicest things she could have ever said. We had just gotten home from having had fun spending the evening with friends and pulled into our garage. She turned to me and said “I love my life”.

I hope I can give all you some comfort that missed Anne while we lived elsewhere. It was so difficult for her to be away from you all. She enjoyed trying new things but they came with a sacrifice and the time with all of you who she loved so much was that sacrifice. Trust me when I saw, it was very difficult for her and very painful.

My mom deeply loved Anne as did the rest of my family. I was amazed how the 2 of them could hold a conversation in 2 different languages and know exactly what each other was saying. Anne used to love it when I would speak Italian especially with my mom.

My Mixed Nuts